Today, June 6th, is the 70th anniversary of D-Day, the landing of our American troops on the shores of Normandy, France, which was the beginning of the end to World War II and Hitler's empire.
This day has always meant something to me: my father fought in this war, my older brother died in this war, my ex-husband fought in this war, and my husband of 35 years fought in the Korean War. To me, all four of these men are heroes, as are ALL the men and women who have fought, died, or returned home from the wars we have been involved in.
At the same time, it makes me wonder just who are the heroes of today? So many times, sports stars from football, baseball, basketball, and the like are touted by the media as being "heroes." Really? What makes a football star a hero? I guess it depends upon your definition of who or what a "hero" really is...what makes that person a hero.
This is my definition: A hero is a person who willingly, and without a thought of him/herself, makes a personal sacrifice for the sake of someone else, known or unknown.
That is why every single member of our Armed Forces is a hero to me. Because each of these men and women have volunteered to sacrifice their own life, if necessary, in order to create safety for those of us left on the shores of the United States.
That is why each and every member of the First Responders on September 11, 2001, is a hero to me. They willingly and courageously risked their own lives, and many lost them, to save the lives of hundreds of people they didn't know.
So what makes a sports star a hero? Because they single-handedly won a game? Because they scored more points, more home runs, more field goals, than any other member of the team? So what? Where is the personal sacrifice in that? It's just a game where any member of the team could have done the same thing if he had the strenght/ability/opportunity to do so.
The media has called Captain Sullivan, the pilot of the plane that landed in the Hudson River, a hero. Yes, he displayed heroic qualities, but what personal sacrifice did he make to set Flight 1549 down safely in that river? He was concerned for the safety of his passengers and crew, and he performed a courageous act to save their lives, but at no time was he in any more danger than anyone else on that plane. He had the knowledge, the expertise, the ability, and the opportunity to save that plane and all aboard it, and he did so. He is a courageous man, a highly skilled pilot, but not a hero. At least, not in my book.
I have a hero in my family. My daughter-in-law, who has continued to work 40 hours a week at a grueling job as a Medical Assistant at our State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, and then come home to spend the rest of every hour of every day taking care of my son, diagnosed almost 2 years ago with FrontalTemporal Lobe Dementia. Under no circumstances has she ever, for one minute, considered having him placed in a facility, in order to give herself more free time and a better kind of life. He is now in Hospice, in the last stages of this disease, soon to be totally bedridden, but because of her love for him, she sacrifices her own health...she has severe Rheumatoid Arthritis...and at times, even her own safety, in order to care for him. Is her life at risk? No, not at all. But she has willingly made many personal sacrifices to keep my son at home with her in order to take care of him. Is she a hero? You better believe it.
Who are the unsung heroes in our midst? How about the four teachers, school psychologist, and Principal at Sandy Hook Elementary School, who all died defending their students? How about six year old Jesse Lewis, who yelled "Run! to the kids in his class when the gunman rushed in but had to reload his weapon before he could begin shooting again. His first shot went into the head of Jesse, who had waited until everyone else was out the door before he turned to run. Too late.
What about all the grandparents today who are raising their grandchildren because their own kids have left the life of responsibility to drown in drugs, or alcohol, or are in prison for crimes they have committed? These people have made personal sacrifices, some have even had to return to work after enjoying years of retirement, just to raise, for the second time, kids. Of their kids. I could not do it. To me, those who do are heroes.
Where are the values of today's society, who heap praise upon praise for sports stars, celebrities, and other people of note, when they call these people who have done nothing "heroes?" As a society, have we fallen so low that a hero to us is nothing more than someone who has 715 homeruns, or is a celebrity leading an immature and often drug-filled life but who is held up by the media as being a "star?" These are the people our children are supposed to emulate, to be impressed by, to hold up as "heroes?" Not in my book.
Who are your heroes?
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
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Friday, June 6, 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014
Friday's Focus: America's Homeless Children: Who Are They?
I live in a small town, and I just recently found out that even though it is small, we have SEVEN homeless shelters here. I thought, Do we really have that many homeless people here, in our own little town? That can't be.
Well, it isn't for the homeless just here. These shelters care for the homeless from "wherever", and unfortunately, many are children from infants all the way to teens. The sad thing about the teens, however, is that many are not with their own families. They are runaways, from all kinds of abuse and trauma in their own homes. They are runaways from nothing more than strict parents whose rules they don't want to abide by. And they are runaways from homeless families, where they have left to try and find a better life for themselves, and have failed. Miserably.
Who are these children? They come from all walks of life, all races, religions, and economic lifestyles. There are far too many families who have lost everything since the recession of 2008: jobs lost or downsided; mortgages gone unpaid so the home is lost; no work in sight; no help or benefits from former employers or from the government. In other countries, homeless children are displayed in the media in very graphic and brutal ways, because this is how they are handled. Here in the US, homelessness is underated, it is inconspicuous because no one...NO ONE...wants to talk about it, much less see these homeless children graphically displayed on national TV.
What is this called? Passive resistence? Subtle acceptance of this phenomenon but let's not talk about it and maybe it will go away?
It is the unrelenting silence about homeless children that screams out to us that, yes, we MUST talk about it, it is vital that we talk about it. Even more vital is that we do something about it. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
So let's talk about it, by thinking about the statistics that surround homeless children as opposed to those who are not homeless:
1. They are 4 times more likely to have severe respiratory problems.
2. They have 2 times as many ear infections
3. They have 5 times more gastrointestinal problems, due to hunger and near starvation.
4. They are 3 times more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems. I wonder why that is.
5. Of Homeless elementary school age children, only 21.5% of them are proficient in their age/class math; by high school, homeless kids have only 11.4% proficiency in math, and 14.6% in reading.
6. By age 12, 83% of homeless kids have witnessed, close up and personal, at least one serious violent crime, like murder, rape, physical assault, and suicide. Appoximately 80% of homeless/runaway kids, male and female, have been raped or sexually assaulted.
Are you shocked by now? I was, although not very surprised. And one other fact: did you know that US homeless children and teens are 17% more likely to die from gun violence than their peers in 25 other countries?
Homelessness results from a variety of factors, but poverty is the most prominent. The poverty level in the US for 2014 is $23,850 or less yearly for a family of four. In 2013, the US was ranked as having the 2nd highest child poverty rates in the world. That same year, 16.7 million children were living in food insecure households ( meaning they went hungry much of the time) or they were homeless.
We are "supposed" to be the wealthiest, most powerful, most well-developed country on this planet. Please explain to me why these statistics are here, and why, today, we still have 1.6 million homeless children?
Mahatma Gandhi said, "Poverty is the worst form of violence."
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
The list goes on, and we all know about it. But let's talk about these children who are homeless for no reasons of their own.
Well, it isn't for the homeless just here. These shelters care for the homeless from "wherever", and unfortunately, many are children from infants all the way to teens. The sad thing about the teens, however, is that many are not with their own families. They are runaways, from all kinds of abuse and trauma in their own homes. They are runaways from nothing more than strict parents whose rules they don't want to abide by. And they are runaways from homeless families, where they have left to try and find a better life for themselves, and have failed. Miserably.
Who are these children? They come from all walks of life, all races, religions, and economic lifestyles. There are far too many families who have lost everything since the recession of 2008: jobs lost or downsided; mortgages gone unpaid so the home is lost; no work in sight; no help or benefits from former employers or from the government. In other countries, homeless children are displayed in the media in very graphic and brutal ways, because this is how they are handled. Here in the US, homelessness is underated, it is inconspicuous because no one...NO ONE...wants to talk about it, much less see these homeless children graphically displayed on national TV.
What is this called? Passive resistence? Subtle acceptance of this phenomenon but let's not talk about it and maybe it will go away?
It is the unrelenting silence about homeless children that screams out to us that, yes, we MUST talk about it, it is vital that we talk about it. Even more vital is that we do something about it. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
So let's talk about it, by thinking about the statistics that surround homeless children as opposed to those who are not homeless:
1. They are 4 times more likely to have severe respiratory problems.
2. They have 2 times as many ear infections
3. They have 5 times more gastrointestinal problems, due to hunger and near starvation.
4. They are 3 times more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems. I wonder why that is.
5. Of Homeless elementary school age children, only 21.5% of them are proficient in their age/class math; by high school, homeless kids have only 11.4% proficiency in math, and 14.6% in reading.
6. By age 12, 83% of homeless kids have witnessed, close up and personal, at least one serious violent crime, like murder, rape, physical assault, and suicide. Appoximately 80% of homeless/runaway kids, male and female, have been raped or sexually assaulted.
Are you shocked by now? I was, although not very surprised. And one other fact: did you know that US homeless children and teens are 17% more likely to die from gun violence than their peers in 25 other countries?
Homelessness results from a variety of factors, but poverty is the most prominent. The poverty level in the US for 2014 is $23,850 or less yearly for a family of four. In 2013, the US was ranked as having the 2nd highest child poverty rates in the world. That same year, 16.7 million children were living in food insecure households ( meaning they went hungry much of the time) or they were homeless.
We are "supposed" to be the wealthiest, most powerful, most well-developed country on this planet. Please explain to me why these statistics are here, and why, today, we still have 1.6 million homeless children?
Mahatma Gandhi said, "Poverty is the worst form of violence."
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
The list goes on, and we all know about it. But let's talk about these children who are homeless for no reasons of their own.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Monday's Musings on Sunday: Memorial Day, A Day for Memories
Tomorrow is Memorial Day. A day for memories, for prayers, for tributes to those who gave their lives so we could live.
Our flag flies at half-mast on Memorial Day. I grew up in a military family, and I married two military men...uh, not at the same time, however. Both fought in wars that this country involved itself in, one, WWII, not brought on by anything we did, the other, Korea, a war we probably should not have intruded upon. But both were out of the service by the time I married them.
My brother was twelve years older than I, and in his first year of college when he decided to enlist in the Air Force during WWII. I was just a little girl, but he was my hero and I was devastated when he left for the service. He signed up for four years, and came home only once during that time. That short leave was one of the happiest times of my life.
In April, 1945, he and his B-17 crew were awaiting rotation home when his best friend, also a pilot, received word from the Red Cross that he should come home immediately, as his wife had been severely injured in a car crash. My brother volunteered to take his friend's last flight, and when his crew heard about it, they all volunteered to fly with him. The mission was over Berlin. It was the last bombing raid before Germany's Hitler surrendered. That morning, fifty-two bombers went out. That afternoon, forty-seven came back. David's plane, "Lil' Sis", was not one of the forty-seven.
Three days later, I was reading David's last letter to me when a car pulled up in front of our house. A major, a captain, and an Air Force Chaplain stepped out. I had grown up all over the world from one Army base to another, and I knew what that meant. My brother, my hero, was gone, and my life would never be the same.
Today, Richard will put up the flag, and tomorrow it will go to half-mast. For David, for my father, for my former husband, for all the friends we have lost over the years, some not military at all. It will fly at half-mast for my closest and dearest friend who died so very suddenly and unexpected just before Thanksgiving last year, and whose death once again changed my life. And that flag will fly at half-mast not just for us, but for all the men and women who have lost their lives fighting someone, something, that the United States has declared an "eminent danger" to the US...even when it possibly wasn't. It will fly in memory of, and as a tribute to, all those fallen heros.
Will your flag fly tomorrow? Will it be lowered to half-mast? If so, for whom will it fly?
Until next time, God Bless.
That's a wrap.
Our flag flies at half-mast on Memorial Day. I grew up in a military family, and I married two military men...uh, not at the same time, however. Both fought in wars that this country involved itself in, one, WWII, not brought on by anything we did, the other, Korea, a war we probably should not have intruded upon. But both were out of the service by the time I married them.
My brother was twelve years older than I, and in his first year of college when he decided to enlist in the Air Force during WWII. I was just a little girl, but he was my hero and I was devastated when he left for the service. He signed up for four years, and came home only once during that time. That short leave was one of the happiest times of my life.
In April, 1945, he and his B-17 crew were awaiting rotation home when his best friend, also a pilot, received word from the Red Cross that he should come home immediately, as his wife had been severely injured in a car crash. My brother volunteered to take his friend's last flight, and when his crew heard about it, they all volunteered to fly with him. The mission was over Berlin. It was the last bombing raid before Germany's Hitler surrendered. That morning, fifty-two bombers went out. That afternoon, forty-seven came back. David's plane, "Lil' Sis", was not one of the forty-seven.
Three days later, I was reading David's last letter to me when a car pulled up in front of our house. A major, a captain, and an Air Force Chaplain stepped out. I had grown up all over the world from one Army base to another, and I knew what that meant. My brother, my hero, was gone, and my life would never be the same.
Today, Richard will put up the flag, and tomorrow it will go to half-mast. For David, for my father, for my former husband, for all the friends we have lost over the years, some not military at all. It will fly at half-mast for my closest and dearest friend who died so very suddenly and unexpected just before Thanksgiving last year, and whose death once again changed my life. And that flag will fly at half-mast not just for us, but for all the men and women who have lost their lives fighting someone, something, that the United States has declared an "eminent danger" to the US...even when it possibly wasn't. It will fly in memory of, and as a tribute to, all those fallen heros.
Will your flag fly tomorrow? Will it be lowered to half-mast? If so, for whom will it fly?
Until next time, God Bless.
That's a wrap.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Friday's Focus on Saturday: Meeting an Antagonist
Welcome to behind the scenes of Cheers, Chocolate, and Other Disasters. This morning I have invited Celine Carroll to come visit, but frankly, I don't know if she will show up or not. She is the young lady who brings disaster after disaster raining down on AJ Devlin's head in the Cheers book. Celine is not a very nice girl...or is she? Mainly, she is an enigma that no one, least of all AJ, can figure out. Uh oh...I hear a faint knock on the door. Perhaps she has come, after all. Let's open the door, and see.
Mikki: Good morning, Celine. I'm so glad you came. I really didn't know if you would or not.
Celine: walking in with her usual smirk: Why wouldn't I come? Did you think I would be afraid to answer your questions?
Mikki: Here, have a seat. No, I didn't think that. I did think you might consider an interview with your author somewhat beneath you, and not come for that reason.
Celine: sitting down with a flounce and looking around the room, then shrugging: Well, we'll see how it goes, and then I'll tell you if this is beneath me or not. So, fire away.
Mikki: smiling to keep from tearing her hair out: Celine, who are the people you are living with? You know, the ones you refer to as Mom and Dad, when you know your own parents are in prison?
Celine: I don't think that's any of your business. Besides, I've been sworn to secrecy.
Mikki: Oh, not my business, huh? Then suppose you tell me why they chose to bring you to West Haven, Colorado. That is a very long way from Chicago.
Celine: I wanted to meet AJ. Her father sent my parents to prison. I'm going to make her pay for that.
Mikki: But Celine, AJ knew nothing about your parents, or even that her father was involved in their trial. She still knows very little. Why are you seeking revenge on her?
Celine: Well, why not? Someone has to pay, and I can't get to her father. She's the next best thing. Besides, she is so much fun to make fun of. She thinks she has the perfect life, the perfect friends, but when I get through with her, she won't have anything left.
Mikki: You have already made trouble between AJ and her two best friends, Jaime and Julie. They are following you around like you were some kind of Pied Piper, and totally ignoring her. What more do you want?
Celine: Oh, Mikki, for an adult you are really out of it, aren't you. Taking her best friends away, and making all the kids at that stupid school like me and forget about her is nothing. It was just too easy. Just wait, I have more plans for your little miss AJ.
Mikki: Let's forget about AJ for a minute and talk about you. You are older than AJ and her friends. Why are you in middle school? Why aren't you in high school where you belong?
Celine: giving me a disgusted look: Oh, for crap's sake, Mikki. AJ is in middle school, so why would I want to be in high school where I couldn't get to her? It was so easy for my "parents" to get a fake birth certificate for me, so my age would be incorrect. It was perfect for me to be in the same grade as AJ.
Mikki: Ah, yes, your "parents." Let's talk about them for a minute. I understand that AJ accidentally finds a room in your house that is loaded with all kinds of electronic equipment, as well as a number of telephones. What is that all about?
Celine: Well, since it won't do you any good to know this, I'll tell you. A little bit, that is. The people I live with are not the good little citizens that West Haven seems to be made up of. That is such a boring town! Anyway, they are involved with people who make things happen, that make life exciting. To tell the truth, I really don't know much about their business, but I do know that it is an extension of what my mother and father were into.
Mikki: But your parents were convicted of mob activity crimes. And now you are living with people just like them? How does that fit with you now living in West Haven? Why there and not still in Chicago?
Celine: with her usual smirk back on her face: These people gave me riding lessons, bought me all the right clothes, taught me how to speak as if I'd been living the rich life in New York. They changed me so that I could come here, and pretend to be the person AJ and Jaime and Julie think I am. When I'm through with AJ Devlin, her father will wish he'd never even heard of my parents.
Mikki: So, you're not through with your devilment of AJ. Tell me, Celine, is it true that you are some kind of evil omen, that everything that is happening to AJ right now is all your doing?
Celine: laughing without humor: Oh my, you give me too much credit! I'm an evil omen? Why, no, I'm just this girl with curly blonde hair and deep dimples. How can anyone think I am evil? Celine laughs again, but it seems sinister. How could I possibly bring so many disasters down upon poor little AJ all at one time? An evil omen? I like that, Mikki, I really do. But I have to go now, and leave you and your readers wondering...am I really an evil omen?
Celine gets up before I can stop her, and saunters out the door, laughing loudly...so loudly that sound is still ringing in my ears long after she is gone. The interview is obviously over, but I'm left wondering...just WHO is Celine Carroll?
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
Mikki: Good morning, Celine. I'm so glad you came. I really didn't know if you would or not.
Celine: walking in with her usual smirk: Why wouldn't I come? Did you think I would be afraid to answer your questions?
Mikki: Here, have a seat. No, I didn't think that. I did think you might consider an interview with your author somewhat beneath you, and not come for that reason.
Celine: sitting down with a flounce and looking around the room, then shrugging: Well, we'll see how it goes, and then I'll tell you if this is beneath me or not. So, fire away.
Mikki: smiling to keep from tearing her hair out: Celine, who are the people you are living with? You know, the ones you refer to as Mom and Dad, when you know your own parents are in prison?
Celine: I don't think that's any of your business. Besides, I've been sworn to secrecy.
Mikki: Oh, not my business, huh? Then suppose you tell me why they chose to bring you to West Haven, Colorado. That is a very long way from Chicago.
Celine: I wanted to meet AJ. Her father sent my parents to prison. I'm going to make her pay for that.
Mikki: But Celine, AJ knew nothing about your parents, or even that her father was involved in their trial. She still knows very little. Why are you seeking revenge on her?
Celine: Well, why not? Someone has to pay, and I can't get to her father. She's the next best thing. Besides, she is so much fun to make fun of. She thinks she has the perfect life, the perfect friends, but when I get through with her, she won't have anything left.
Mikki: You have already made trouble between AJ and her two best friends, Jaime and Julie. They are following you around like you were some kind of Pied Piper, and totally ignoring her. What more do you want?
Celine: Oh, Mikki, for an adult you are really out of it, aren't you. Taking her best friends away, and making all the kids at that stupid school like me and forget about her is nothing. It was just too easy. Just wait, I have more plans for your little miss AJ.
Mikki: Let's forget about AJ for a minute and talk about you. You are older than AJ and her friends. Why are you in middle school? Why aren't you in high school where you belong?
Celine: giving me a disgusted look: Oh, for crap's sake, Mikki. AJ is in middle school, so why would I want to be in high school where I couldn't get to her? It was so easy for my "parents" to get a fake birth certificate for me, so my age would be incorrect. It was perfect for me to be in the same grade as AJ.
Mikki: Ah, yes, your "parents." Let's talk about them for a minute. I understand that AJ accidentally finds a room in your house that is loaded with all kinds of electronic equipment, as well as a number of telephones. What is that all about?
Celine: Well, since it won't do you any good to know this, I'll tell you. A little bit, that is. The people I live with are not the good little citizens that West Haven seems to be made up of. That is such a boring town! Anyway, they are involved with people who make things happen, that make life exciting. To tell the truth, I really don't know much about their business, but I do know that it is an extension of what my mother and father were into.
Mikki: But your parents were convicted of mob activity crimes. And now you are living with people just like them? How does that fit with you now living in West Haven? Why there and not still in Chicago?
Celine: with her usual smirk back on her face: These people gave me riding lessons, bought me all the right clothes, taught me how to speak as if I'd been living the rich life in New York. They changed me so that I could come here, and pretend to be the person AJ and Jaime and Julie think I am. When I'm through with AJ Devlin, her father will wish he'd never even heard of my parents.
Mikki: So, you're not through with your devilment of AJ. Tell me, Celine, is it true that you are some kind of evil omen, that everything that is happening to AJ right now is all your doing?
Celine: laughing without humor: Oh my, you give me too much credit! I'm an evil omen? Why, no, I'm just this girl with curly blonde hair and deep dimples. How can anyone think I am evil? Celine laughs again, but it seems sinister. How could I possibly bring so many disasters down upon poor little AJ all at one time? An evil omen? I like that, Mikki, I really do. But I have to go now, and leave you and your readers wondering...am I really an evil omen?
Celine gets up before I can stop her, and saunters out the door, laughing loudly...so loudly that sound is still ringing in my ears long after she is gone. The interview is obviously over, but I'm left wondering...just WHO is Celine Carroll?
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Monday's Musing: Sticks and Stones...
We have all heard the old saying,"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
I don't know in what century that saying came about, or even from what planet it originated, but it certainly doesn't apply in any world I've ever known about. Words can be the most hurtful, the most deceitful, and the most powerful tool a human being of any age, sex, religion, creed, or color can have.
Everyone remembers "bullying" from the days of the school playground, when the bigger kid wanted the ball or the hula hoop or whatever somone else...someone smaller or younger...was playing with, so he or she just took it from that kid. Or how about the new kid in school, perhaps from an obviously lower "money" ( socio-economic) class, where the others tease and mock him or her because of the clothes he/she wears...or the accent, or the skin color, or maybe even the religion? Have you ever been in a high school situation, for example, where all the "cool" kids got into the top school organizations, became the cheerleaders or the sports heros, and totally ignored you because you weren't the same 'class' as they were?
That kind of bullying still exists today, of course. But now we have something called "psychological" or "emotional" bullying, and it is just as intense. No, that's wrong. It is far worse, because unfortunately, in many cases, it has led to the death by suicide of the young person it is directed against. It is also the kind of bullying that is often called "cyber-bullying", because of the Internet. Messages are sent to the victim by email, or most often, made very public and visible on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and other places where kids gather on the Internet. Sometimes there are even websites devoted to the harrassment and embarrassment of the kid.
Emotional bullying is seen as:
In Teens, especially, there is a marked difference in their self-esteem; a noticable decline in their academic performance; and a definite change in their attitudes. Teens become sullen and hostile; refuse to have anything to do with parents, siblings, or friends; they choose to isolate themselves from everyone around them by staying at home, often even refusing to go to school, or pretending to go and then skipping out. In time, they even often have thoughts of suicide, and unfortunately, many carry those thoughts out.
In my newest book, Cheers, Chocolate, and Other Disasters, my main character, AJ Devlin, deals with a kind of emotional/psychological bullying. I don't delve into the darkest effects of this kind of bullying, as I don't like to write "dark," but AJ is on the receiving end of several of the above named bullying efforts. How she deals with it, and the outcome, make this an intriguing book for girls ( and maybe their parents) aged 9 to 14. It is available from my publisher, MuseItUp:
https://www.museituppublishing.com/bookstore/index.php/our-authors/69-our-authors/authors-s/379-mikki-sadil
and on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
For more information about emotional bullying, here are some good links:
http://bully4u.ie/bullying-in-schools/understanding/types-of-bullying/psychological-bullying
http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/bullying
http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/27/health/cyberbullying-online-bully-victim
Listen to your kids when they complain about being bullied, find out all you can about bullying in all of its phases, and most of all, LISTEN to your kids...and believe them!
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
I don't know in what century that saying came about, or even from what planet it originated, but it certainly doesn't apply in any world I've ever known about. Words can be the most hurtful, the most deceitful, and the most powerful tool a human being of any age, sex, religion, creed, or color can have.
Everyone remembers "bullying" from the days of the school playground, when the bigger kid wanted the ball or the hula hoop or whatever somone else...someone smaller or younger...was playing with, so he or she just took it from that kid. Or how about the new kid in school, perhaps from an obviously lower "money" ( socio-economic) class, where the others tease and mock him or her because of the clothes he/she wears...or the accent, or the skin color, or maybe even the religion? Have you ever been in a high school situation, for example, where all the "cool" kids got into the top school organizations, became the cheerleaders or the sports heros, and totally ignored you because you weren't the same 'class' as they were?
That kind of bullying still exists today, of course. But now we have something called "psychological" or "emotional" bullying, and it is just as intense. No, that's wrong. It is far worse, because unfortunately, in many cases, it has led to the death by suicide of the young person it is directed against. It is also the kind of bullying that is often called "cyber-bullying", because of the Internet. Messages are sent to the victim by email, or most often, made very public and visible on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and other places where kids gather on the Internet. Sometimes there are even websites devoted to the harrassment and embarrassment of the kid.
Emotional bullying is seen as:
- Name calling
- Teasing and mocking
- Belittling
- Threats
- Being ignored or excluded from groups and former friends
- Use of sarcasm
- Telling lies about the person
- Passing along things this person supposedly said about another but didn't
- Humiliating the person
In Teens, especially, there is a marked difference in their self-esteem; a noticable decline in their academic performance; and a definite change in their attitudes. Teens become sullen and hostile; refuse to have anything to do with parents, siblings, or friends; they choose to isolate themselves from everyone around them by staying at home, often even refusing to go to school, or pretending to go and then skipping out. In time, they even often have thoughts of suicide, and unfortunately, many carry those thoughts out.
In my newest book, Cheers, Chocolate, and Other Disasters, my main character, AJ Devlin, deals with a kind of emotional/psychological bullying. I don't delve into the darkest effects of this kind of bullying, as I don't like to write "dark," but AJ is on the receiving end of several of the above named bullying efforts. How she deals with it, and the outcome, make this an intriguing book for girls ( and maybe their parents) aged 9 to 14. It is available from my publisher, MuseItUp:
https://www.museituppublishing.com/bookstore/index.php/our-authors/69-our-authors/authors-s/379-mikki-sadil
and on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
For more information about emotional bullying, here are some good links:
http://bully4u.ie/bullying-in-schools/understanding/types-of-bullying/psychological-bullying
http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/bullying
http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/27/health/cyberbullying-online-bully-victim
Listen to your kids when they complain about being bullied, find out all you can about bullying in all of its phases, and most of all, LISTEN to your kids...and believe them!
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Friday's Focus: Are You Building a Platform? If so, Why?
Have you ever stopped to realize all the demands that are being made on you, as an author/writer? How many times have you heard or read or been told that you "must" have a platform, and that you "must" build it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked-In, and heaven knows how many other "social networking" sites? How many times have "they" ( whoever they are) told you it's all about getting reviews on Amazon and Goodreads and Barnes and Noble, and having 100s if not (preferably) 1000s of followers?
And speaking of "followers," did you know that there are people who are paid to be followers, and that if you have 100s and possibly even 1000s of followers, about 90% of them are paid to follow you? Sorry, but it's true. These are not people who think you are absolutely wonderful. They don't know you, don't want to know you, and could not care less about what you write or even if you write. All the care about is the money they get paid to follow people of every description on Facebook and Twitter.
But I digress. Times change, the publishing business has changed, and even the online world we must live in has also changed. Numbers no longer count. They don't represent how many books you have sold, or how many truly interested people are following you. They have just become cold, hard, meaningless numbers.
What does count is you interacting with real people. Sure, in today's world, those real people are usually on the Internet and may live half a world away from you. But if they are "real" they are truly interested in you and in your work, and you can tell this from the kinds of comments they leave on your blog ( which really IS a must-have), comments made about your posts on Facebook and Twitter. These are the people who have something in common with you, and who are the most likely to go out and buy your books.
But if you are like so many authors/writers today, you're not really concentrating on that. You are pushing like mad to "get the numbers" on your "Like" pages on Facebook or Twitter or Amazon. For what purpose? Do you really believe your 5000 followers ( one of my author friends claims to have this many) are going to buy your book, so at the end of the day, week, month, or year, you have sold 5000 books because of your Facebook followers? Dream on, my friend!
I personally have also been told I "must" do a blog tour, and "must" have a paid company put one together for me. Are you kidding me? First, I am not going to spend money for something like that, with no guarantee of ANY increased sales because of it. Second, those things are horribly time-consuming and exhausting. Some go on for 2 or 3 weeks, every single day, some for even a month. So when do I have time...to say nothing about energy...to write? And who, may I ask, gets the money from this tour? well, the company does, of course. I think if you have a tour "host," this person also gets paid. But the people whose blogs you visit don't get paid, and aren't they the ones doing all the work? They have to review your books, write up interview questions, and often even set up give-aways, or figure out contests so you can give a few books as prizes, and so on. Where is the pay-off for them? For that matter, where is it for you? Do you really expect to make the 1000s of dollars from book sales that you probably were told to look forward to by the tour company? I think not.
Then there are the newsletters that you are supposed to do, to help in that platform you are building. Personally, I hate newletters. For one thing, they are often nothing but a marketing device to get me to buy the author's books, and if I already know the author, I either read or don't read his/her genre. If I read it, chances are i've already bought the book or have it on my list to buy, so i don't need a newsletter to push me. If I don't read that genre ( like Romance novels, for example), the newsletter is going to do nothing to encourage me.
For another thing, newsletters are very often nothing more than grocery list of what the author has been doing/writing/selling, and if I follow that person's blog, i already know all of that because it has been on the blog. If I don't follow the blog, it is usually because I don't care about the author on a personal level, so I don't care to read the blog, therefore I don't care to read the same stuff in a newsletter.
A personal opinion, but to me, newsletters are both annoying and a total waste of time.
So is there any good news about platforms? Yes, if you go about it in the right way. Interact with the people who leave comments on your blog, who respond to a post on Facebook or a 'tweet' on Twitter. Respond to every comment left on another blogger's blog when you have been interviewed. You can post about "freebies" or that your books are on sale for $.99, and then respond to anyone who asks about those posts.
You don't have to blog every day. Once or twice a week is sufficient, but make sure your posts have something to say, and if they generate comments, be sure to reply. If you DO want a blog tour, set it up with just a few friends who blog, or a few authors/writers who write in your genre, and have it go on for 5 to 7 days. Period. At the end, make sure you have replied to everyone on each day who has commented, and also, send a small gift of thanks to your blog hosts.
In short: overkill is a thing of the past. Having 1000s of followers is unnecessary and even a little stupid, since you are never ever going to be "known" by 2or 3 thousand people. Have a blog, post on Facebook and Twitter, or any of the other social media, but do it with reason. And do it FOR a reason, not just because some one said this is what you "HAVE" to do. Let people get to know a little about YOU as a person, as well as a writer, but never EVER put personal information out there, thinking it will add to "letting people know you." It WILL come back to bite you in the...well, you know.
Build your "platform" by being honest, compassionate, and true to yourself. Forget now and forever what "they" say to do. Remember, in social media, as well as in life, a little goes a long way.
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
And speaking of "followers," did you know that there are people who are paid to be followers, and that if you have 100s and possibly even 1000s of followers, about 90% of them are paid to follow you? Sorry, but it's true. These are not people who think you are absolutely wonderful. They don't know you, don't want to know you, and could not care less about what you write or even if you write. All the care about is the money they get paid to follow people of every description on Facebook and Twitter.
But I digress. Times change, the publishing business has changed, and even the online world we must live in has also changed. Numbers no longer count. They don't represent how many books you have sold, or how many truly interested people are following you. They have just become cold, hard, meaningless numbers.
What does count is you interacting with real people. Sure, in today's world, those real people are usually on the Internet and may live half a world away from you. But if they are "real" they are truly interested in you and in your work, and you can tell this from the kinds of comments they leave on your blog ( which really IS a must-have), comments made about your posts on Facebook and Twitter. These are the people who have something in common with you, and who are the most likely to go out and buy your books.
But if you are like so many authors/writers today, you're not really concentrating on that. You are pushing like mad to "get the numbers" on your "Like" pages on Facebook or Twitter or Amazon. For what purpose? Do you really believe your 5000 followers ( one of my author friends claims to have this many) are going to buy your book, so at the end of the day, week, month, or year, you have sold 5000 books because of your Facebook followers? Dream on, my friend!
I personally have also been told I "must" do a blog tour, and "must" have a paid company put one together for me. Are you kidding me? First, I am not going to spend money for something like that, with no guarantee of ANY increased sales because of it. Second, those things are horribly time-consuming and exhausting. Some go on for 2 or 3 weeks, every single day, some for even a month. So when do I have time...to say nothing about energy...to write? And who, may I ask, gets the money from this tour? well, the company does, of course. I think if you have a tour "host," this person also gets paid. But the people whose blogs you visit don't get paid, and aren't they the ones doing all the work? They have to review your books, write up interview questions, and often even set up give-aways, or figure out contests so you can give a few books as prizes, and so on. Where is the pay-off for them? For that matter, where is it for you? Do you really expect to make the 1000s of dollars from book sales that you probably were told to look forward to by the tour company? I think not.
Then there are the newsletters that you are supposed to do, to help in that platform you are building. Personally, I hate newletters. For one thing, they are often nothing but a marketing device to get me to buy the author's books, and if I already know the author, I either read or don't read his/her genre. If I read it, chances are i've already bought the book or have it on my list to buy, so i don't need a newsletter to push me. If I don't read that genre ( like Romance novels, for example), the newsletter is going to do nothing to encourage me.
For another thing, newsletters are very often nothing more than grocery list of what the author has been doing/writing/selling, and if I follow that person's blog, i already know all of that because it has been on the blog. If I don't follow the blog, it is usually because I don't care about the author on a personal level, so I don't care to read the blog, therefore I don't care to read the same stuff in a newsletter.
A personal opinion, but to me, newsletters are both annoying and a total waste of time.
So is there any good news about platforms? Yes, if you go about it in the right way. Interact with the people who leave comments on your blog, who respond to a post on Facebook or a 'tweet' on Twitter. Respond to every comment left on another blogger's blog when you have been interviewed. You can post about "freebies" or that your books are on sale for $.99, and then respond to anyone who asks about those posts.
You don't have to blog every day. Once or twice a week is sufficient, but make sure your posts have something to say, and if they generate comments, be sure to reply. If you DO want a blog tour, set it up with just a few friends who blog, or a few authors/writers who write in your genre, and have it go on for 5 to 7 days. Period. At the end, make sure you have replied to everyone on each day who has commented, and also, send a small gift of thanks to your blog hosts.
In short: overkill is a thing of the past. Having 1000s of followers is unnecessary and even a little stupid, since you are never ever going to be "known" by 2or 3 thousand people. Have a blog, post on Facebook and Twitter, or any of the other social media, but do it with reason. And do it FOR a reason, not just because some one said this is what you "HAVE" to do. Let people get to know a little about YOU as a person, as well as a writer, but never EVER put personal information out there, thinking it will add to "letting people know you." It WILL come back to bite you in the...well, you know.
Build your "platform" by being honest, compassionate, and true to yourself. Forget now and forever what "they" say to do. Remember, in social media, as well as in life, a little goes a long way.
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Friday's Focus: What Color Are You?
Several years ago, at a time in my life when hope for all things positive was low, I was asked a simple question: if you were a part of the rainbow, what color would you be? This was my answer:
I would be silver.
Silver is the color of the sky just before the dawn of a new day...the day where we give birth to new creativity.
Silver is the color of ribbons and satin bows and crinkly paper and sparkly thingys on birthday and wedding cakes, where happiness surrounds us and pain and sorrow are univited guests not allowed in.
Silver shimmers in the moonlight when two lovers take long walks into their future together.
Silver sparkles in the raindrops on the ground just as the clouds begin to lift and go their separate ways.
Sliver catches fire from the reflection of the sun as it beams down on the scorched earth below.
Silver dims and tarnishes from the tears that flow in a simple graveyard.
Silver is the color of my mare as she stands poised in flight, on the brink of life, on the edge of death. I miss her so much.
I would be silver.
**********************************************************************
What color would you be?
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
I would be silver.
Silver is the color of the sky just before the dawn of a new day...the day where we give birth to new creativity.
Silver is the color of ribbons and satin bows and crinkly paper and sparkly thingys on birthday and wedding cakes, where happiness surrounds us and pain and sorrow are univited guests not allowed in.
Silver shimmers in the moonlight when two lovers take long walks into their future together.
Silver sparkles in the raindrops on the ground just as the clouds begin to lift and go their separate ways.
Sliver catches fire from the reflection of the sun as it beams down on the scorched earth below.
Silver dims and tarnishes from the tears that flow in a simple graveyard.
Silver is the color of my mare as she stands poised in flight, on the brink of life, on the edge of death. I miss her so much.
I would be silver.
**********************************************************************
What color would you be?
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
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