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Isn't it remarkable that most of us go through life totally unaware of the reversals that happen to some along life's journey? What reversals, you ask? Well, let's talk about that.
Role reversal is the most important one that can happen to anyone in life. On a very personal note: my son grew up into a handsome man who married a wonderful girl, had an amazing son of his own, and who expected to always take care of them. But life interfered, as it does so often, and one day, his role in the family was reversed. His wife became the caretaker of him, and of the family, until his death in January, 2015. A role reversal of the saddest kind.
One day I was in the library, browsing among the stacks, when I heard a soft voice say,"No, Dad, that word is "running." You know the word 'run,' so just put 'ing' to it."
Another soft voice, much deeper, said, "He wa...was run...running too far..."
"No, Dad, not 'too far', but it is 'too fast.' Come on, let's try it again." The deep voice: "I don't know, honey, I don't think I'll ever learn again." The sentence was spoken in bits and pieces, with pain evident in each word.
I'm not usually a snoop, but that day I just had to be. I had to know what was going on. I stepped quietly around a couple of bookcases, and stopped. In front of me was a round table and four small chairs, those found in the section for young children. On one of the chairs, stooped over and barely sitting on it, was a tall, thin man with his face in his hands. Sitting next to him, but on the table, was a lovely young girl of about fourteen. Dark curly hair clustered on her shoulders, and her dark eyes were filled with tears. She sat with one small hand on the man's shoulder. "Dad, you will learn again. Look how far you've come this year. I won't let you stop learning until you can read all your own books again." He raised his head and smiled at her. His dark eyes mirrored hers, complete with the tears. He wiped his face with a handkerchief, and got up, slowly and painfully. He held his hand out to his daughter, and they carefully picked their way around the other tables to the checkout counter. He held a Beginning Reader's book in his hand.
I checked out behind them, and as I walked out, I saw the father pointing at various trees, cars, and even a rabbit who came scuttling by. He named them all for his daughter, and she was laughing and hugging him around the waist.
I drove off, with tears in my own eyes. Teacher in reverse: daughter teaching father, and in the same loving, patient way the father had once taught the daughter.
How wonderful. How remarkable. A reversal in life that could have been tragic, but instead, courage, patience, and love was all wrapped up in one beautiful, fourteen year old package.
Reversals in life. What remarkable thing have you seen lately?
Think about it.
Until next time,
That's a wrap.
Reversals seem to be a way of life these days. I thought I was finished with the very day tasks of being a Mom. All my children are grown and have families of their own. Then we lost my daughter and now I am taking on a lot of those "mom" duties for my grand daughters. In my youngest grand daughter's 4th grade class, there were five of us who were experiencing the reversal of your grandmother positions. All different reasons, but a definite change in our roles. Thanks for the post, Mikki. It gave me food for thought today.
ReplyDeleteSherry, I am so sorry to hear about you losing your daughter. That's so sad and has got to be tough. I can't imagine.
DeleteSame with you, Mikki with losing your son. This was a beautiful post. And it does make one think. Thank you.
Susan
Sherry, I know how difficult it is to lose a child, no matter the age, that person is still "your child." And then to have to raise your grandchildren...that seems to be an almost universal role reversal these days. My next-door neighbor is raising her grandson, because his father was never in the picture, and her daughter is on drugs. A sad thing, allthe way around. Thanks for your comment.
DeleteBeautiful post, Mikki and I'm glad you're back! I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. That's a role reversal no one wants to take but you have to deal with the hand that's dealt you and it sounds like you're doing the best you can. I'm sure you're son is very proud and happy to have been blessed with you as his mother.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Allyn. We are dealing with it the best we can, but a close friend of mine, who lost both his children as children, told me that you never get over it. His eldest girl died at 18, and that was more than 50 years ago. He says it's still like yesterday. Thanks for your comment.
DeleteThanks, Susan. Watching this 14 year old girl with her father was one of the most touching things I've ever seen. He was young enough to have been in the service, so I wondered if maybe he had had a traumatic brain injury, and that was the problem. Whatever it was, his daughter will never give up on him.
DeleteTouching post Mikki. The first role reversal I remember was a long time ago. A couple had decided that as the mom earned way more than the dad, he should stay home with their baby daughter rather than stay in his underpaying job and then to have to struggle to pay for daycare. This was back in the 60s. I thought it was a brilliant and practical solution and couldn't believe what that poor dad had to go through with jibes from 'proper men work', 'men can't bring up girls' etc etc. At the point he was refused admission to a childrens' playgroup (who knows what the organizers thought he might or might not do) the media got wind of it. This was back in the 60s, but I thought those parents deserved kudos for making the best decision for their family as a whole. Latterly, we often hear of adult children having to parent their parents and that's a whole other role reversal. I cannot begin to imagine how you felt losing your son and wish you and your family nothing but the best..
ReplyDeleteIt is sad to read that, Victoria, when in today's world, the "stay-at-home dad" is just another way for young couples to survive, and is not at all out of tune with the office father. The other role reversal we hear so much about is the grandparents raising their grandchildren, for any number of reasons, and becoming parents all over again. Many of them have trouble taking care of themselves, to say nothing about this so-called "golden age of retirement", yet now they have young children to take care of.
DeleteThanks for your comment, Victoria.
My heart goes out to you Mikki and to every other parent who's lost a child. How wonderful that you can still see the positive and good things in life. That pretty 14 year old is an inspiration to us all.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sheila. You never get over the loss of a child, no matter the age, but you have to pick up the pieces and move on. We are still trying to do that, but in the meantime, it is experiences like this one that do much for enabling us to continue to see the "positive and good" things in life. And Jeff would want that.
ReplyDelete